Cecil Says The Things
by dumbdumpbadumpa
Summary: Cecil says them. The embarrassing things no one wants to hear him say on-air.
1. They Pass Through

Well listeners, we have some odd news. Way out on the horizon of the desert, soaked with heat waves, reports have come in that there is a white spot. It's probably nothing.

Listeners, reports continue to trickle in, and they all point towards one fact: The white spot is approaching our humble berg. And there is more than one. There are four white things. More on this story as it unfolds.

White creatures. Huge white creatures with big black eyes and lolling purple tongues. With terrible giant arms and huge bumbling back ends. At least, that's what the reports are saying. From the window in my studio, I can't see the horizon very closely.

Listeners. The creatures are coming closer. I... I can see them now. And they are huge. They are huge, listeners. Prepare to defend yourselves if necessary.

Oh—oh... Oh! Listeners it appears one of the creatures is at the door of the studio. I can see... its long face... peering at me. Oh! I can see two. Listeners... I... will take you now to the weather.

Listeners we are back from the weather. We survived. I survived. I am being... smelled, by the creatures, but they aren't physically attacking me. There is a chance of course that they will still kill me peacefully, but, everyone in Night Vale who has had an encounter with these terrifying animals has survived. So I'm sure I'll be fine. But listeners, here in the studio... **The bears are in.**


	2. So That Was A Thing

Are you safe? Right now? Do you feel comfortable? As comfortable as someone like you can be doing something as dangerous as living, day to day, in a place so big. Are you driving? Sleeping?

Close your eyes. Okay, now, uh, open them again. You need your eyes. You need them to see. You need them to listen to what I'm saying.

Imagine... The desert. Imagine walking through the desert. A casual affair, the city right behind you. A car, right behind you. Imagine walking through the desert. Desert, desert, desert, desert, desert.

You may be, say, walking with a loved one. They may be right beside you.

Image that, now.

Walking together, talking together, enrapt—almost forgetting your surroundings. Talking about nothing much—friends, all good things, the new season of that show you wanted to give a second chance, series premiers, dogs, poodles, dog facts—facts about dogs. One thing leading to the next, as things almost always do. Constantly moving, two people through the desert.

Imagine being there—physically being there. And imagine your loved one is also physically there. You can touch. You can touch their shoulder, you can touch their arm, you can touch their hand. You can even touch their face, if you're into face touching in the scrub land.

You spend so much time together the city behind you sinks below the dunes. But, you do not turn back. Before you know it, in fact, you reach an impasse.

The single mountain, the single, fabricated, mountain.

"How long have we been walking?" Your loved one asks.

"I don't know." You respond, with the same tone.

You both—approach—the mountain. You will not touch it. You will not touch the mountain. Your loved one walks parallel to it's rocky ankle.

"Loved one," You say. "It..."

"It's got to be real." Your loved one states.

"Well, sure, I guess. If it has to be, why not. One mountain is easy to fake. Especially the texture. What kind of rock is this, mountainite?"

"Yeah!" Your loved one may say. "Andesite, probably. So, basically, it is mountainite." If your loved one is particularly scientific.

"We probably shouldn't be out here." You say, explaining the perils of mountains. Of believing in mountains. I'm just saying it's not that hard to build a mountain, but as you know, listeners, it would be impossible for there to actually be _real_ mountains.

"Well, alright." Your loved one hovers near the mountain, continuing to observe it. "Oh, wait, come look at this."

"Nooooo..." You walk over, because you like hearing your loved one so excited even though you do not like fake mountains. "Oh." You say when you are looking at what they are looking at.

 **Secret tunnel. Secret tunnel, through the mountain. Secret, secret, secret, secret tunnel.**


End file.
